I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
