You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
