I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
