she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
