either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
