At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This house was built for laser tag.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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