im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Success! We fucked roommates!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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