Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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