I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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