So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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