The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
