You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
