the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
