'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
