Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
