Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
