is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
