Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
