theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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