I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
