he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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