she was so not down for the gang bang
one might say we're banned from that church
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
