Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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