dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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