how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
