Cold hands, warm shart.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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