This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
