We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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