I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
