Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
