is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
