I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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