I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
