My hair reeks of homosexuality.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
