What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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