In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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