I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
