he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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