Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you guys were way drunker than both of me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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