you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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