by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was confusing and full of hummus
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
