I'm drive I can fine osifer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
