And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Be still, my beating vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
