We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
