I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
