we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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