i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
