The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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