I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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