in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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