u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
