ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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