Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
