bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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