I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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