you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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