The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
