hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
