I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
