Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
