I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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