Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
